4 posts tagged “holy days”

Last Saturday, I danced at Kick Butt Coffee. I normally drink Cosmos, but my friend, Colleen, ordered something that came in a pint glass with Coke. I wanted a sugar buzz, so I asked for whatever she was having. Turns out she ordered a Crown and Coke. Crown makes me inhibitionless and Coke makes me hyper. Can you see where this is headed? Yup, I have my fingers, toes, and eyes crossed that no one was filming my dance because I kept having visions that I was in that whole "debauchery" scene in The Ten Commandments right before Moses came down and saw all the sinning, so I can only *imagine* how the hell I was dancing. I kept bouncing up and down like Tigger afterwards. I am cursing the man that made video phones because, otherwise, I'd be in the clear.  

Here's some pics. Seth says that I smile like Britney Spears when I'm drunk.

Mario and Myself. He was cheering loudly for me, so I must have been doing some skanky dancing.

No, this is not a drug deal caught on camera. We get tips from the audience.

Myself with Elena. My nana made me this top as one of my Hanukkah presents.

Myself with Skinny. Well, her name is Carolina. We took classes together.

Afterwards, I had my Christmukkah party. I have retained my crown of Perfect Party Hostess. That or they liked the free food and liquor. I had boneless buffalo wings with Frank's red sauce and ranch, spicy meatballs, and little sausage thingies in Hickory Mango barbecue sauce (which tasted waaay better than it sounds). I also made guacamole and nachos. I had sangria (for all the wine drinkers), Dos Equis, Corona, Bud Light, and Stella for the beer drinkers, fruit punch with Kentucky Deluxe (what Brandon and I used to sneak and drink when we were underage, undercover alcoholics in training) and Martha Stewart eggnog. That eggnog was strong. The recipe calls for rum, cognac, and bourbon. That Martha Stewart knows how to get me revved up. Oh, and I had the perennial Jello shots. I got progressively more tore up as the night progressed. I'd had an impromptu get together the night before, so my blood type was Jack Daniels by this point.

Paul had major dental surgery and was hopped up on Percocet, so he was *really* happy.

Julie kept talking to me like she was expecting me to punch her in the face at any moment. I guess that's what happens when you talk smack and get busted. Little did she know, I was druuuuunk and when I am druuuuunk I'm friends with *everyone.*

Myself with Vanessa. We normally sit back at parties, drink in hand, and watch our friends implode on themselves. We love the Hills, Britney Spears, and I know she will plow me down to get to Brody Jenner.

Bobby's in the Navy. I told him to bring me a High School Musical messenger bag and a Navy Seal. I'm still waiting, Bobby......

Jeannie, Helene, and Julie. Jeannie and Helene are wiccas. Can you imagine how crazy it would be to have wicca belly dancers at your party?

Paul and Vanessa. The two calm, drama-free people in my life.

Lisa and Myself. Yes, I look like the Grinch. *insert evil grin*

Mario is totally going in for the steal. Like my electric menorah? Yeah, I couldn't find candles for my other one, but hey, I got this one for 75% off at World Market.

Helene was about to beat a hasty retreat. She reminds me so much of my Nana Lena. Both of them expect me to do the impossible and I can't tell either of them no.

Cody is the nicest dude I know. He's also clueless. He thinks I'm a sweet girl. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. I sure as hell did.

I was so lit up that I didn't notice where Paul's hand was until I uploaded the pictures on My Space the next day.

And, believe it or not, this is not a shameless promotion for my mostly intact boobies, but more an illustration of how hard I was buzzing. Everyone got a good laugh off of the fact that I was holding my camera in the wrong direction as I took the picture. Note to self: Don't drink your own punch.

State of the Union: Slightly embarrassed
Listening to: Will You Be Mine by JJ Faris

Yesterday was probably the most laid back Christmas ever. Probably because my mom was sad about my nana and in no mood to fight. She went to go visit her dad's side of the family. They are "ultra-conservative" and she was afraid that my dress was too low cut (It wasn't. My boobs are growing again) and reference was made to the boots I was wearing. I told my mom that she hurt my feelings because she was basically saying I looked like a skank (She wasn't, but I had to play the martyr so she'd get mad and not be sad). I told her that, since I was too trailer park for her family and she was afraid I was going to bring shame to her, I'd go spend it with family that likes me. Yes, people, I had to pick a fight with my mother so I could go see my dad and nana before they left and not feel like a traitor. I wish my mother and grandmother could get along, but that's like trying to get Israel and Palestine to have happy hour together, so I won't hold my breath.

I didn't get what I really wanted for Christmas and I'm trying not to be sad about it. I'm not materialistic or shallow. I wanted something from someone that couldn't be bought. Alas, it was not to be, so I'm gonna stop whining now. I did, however, make my Christmas wish. It is my fondest hope that it comes true. My dad also bought me some snazzy new "donated hair" that had shades of my natural hair color in it. That was really cool. One bone of contention, though: Neither of my dads nor my Nana Lena wanted to be in any of the pictures (Anti-social people that happen to be extremely photogenic piss me off).  Why waste your hotness? It deserves to be seen.

Any bad feelings I may have had were eased away by the sheer joy my little brother and sister displayed as they opened all the presents I got for them. This is my dad's slow season, so he isn't working much, so my mom bought my little brother two games for his PSIII and my little sister got the pink Hannah Montana guitar and everything else came from "Sister Claus"  (My siblings have known from the jump that there's no Santa Claus. We didn't even have to tell them). I went around distributing presents to my friend's kids (I got tickled when Becca called me "Auntie Dee Dee Claus") and then I ended up at Rodeo to keep my friend, Vincent, company.

He kept putting two balloons up to his chest and saying that he was me.
Anyway, here are some pictures from Christmas Day.

I hope that each of you got what you wanted for Christmas. I know it's not really about presents, but I hope all of you felt the peace and hope that I sent your way. Slayer Claus wants to wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season.

I was looking for graphics to spam people's My Space accounts with:

Christmas Graphics hosted at MySpaceGraphicsandAnimations.com

Christmas graphics hosted at MySpaceGraphicsandAnimations.com

Christmas graphics hosted at MySpaceGraphicsandAnimations.com

                    

Christmas MySpace Funny Pictures

Christmas MySpace Funny Pictures

Christmas graphics hosted at MySpaceGraphicsandAnimations.com

This has nothing to do with Christmas humor, other than the fact that I'm watching it and it's Christmas and it's funny. Keep your eye on the one in the middle. She's gonna drop it like it's hot.

I was thinking about LMC and all her crazy call center customers. Then I got the giggles thinking about what kind of Jerky Boys nonsense would Cam manage to pull out of his hat if  he got LMC as he prank called the Fingerhut hotline. Then, as I was looking for My Space comments to spam people with (this is your warning that it's coming, all you My Space whores), I came across this and snorted whiskey and coke out my nose.

It has cats and Keystone. Could it *be* anymore Cam?

This one is for the ladies....

Somehow, I'm willing to risk the hives I *know* I would get and take a roll in the hay with that dude. Does anyone have his number?!?!?!?!?!?!

Bet you $5 Santa tapped that.....

Santa doesn't need GPS to find my house. He can find his way blindfolded.

I have that outfit and I know *I'm* not kidding when I say that.....

OMFG. This dude said that to me at a party last night. I spewed egg nog all in his fat face.

Sorry, boys. They didn't have any topless girls.

Jonathan doesn't have to worry about that where I work at. They have a freeze on hiring hot guys.

Has anyone ever tried the babymaking process in the snow? Wouldn't there be, to quote George from Seinfeld, ummm...shrinkage?

If the other snowman had champagne, that would totally be me. You guys would be able to tell. I'm the only person I know that has a pink hairdryer.

Santa obviously got hit by Oceanic Flight 815.
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I've been such a bad girl that the only way that I'll ever get a flat screen t.v. is to either buy it myself or to become.......

State of the Union: Tired
Listening to: Mayor Que Yo by Luny Tunes