3 posts tagged “cl tomfoolery”

I am celebrating my last day of freedom before classes start again, so I decided to cruise over to Craigs List to get my daily dose of dumbassdedness (yes, I know it's not a word in the dictionary, but it's a word on this blog, dammit). It was kinda dull, but then I ran across a whole slew of women getting pissed off at this dude and posting militant replies along the lines of:

Stop your posting you weirdo!
You're a freak and disrespectful towards women!

Then there was the therapist that replied with:

You say it's been over a year and you've had no sex? I saw your posting a week ago when you wanted a roommate in exchange for regular sex. didn't that work out for ya'? Could it possibly be YOU that is the problem? Do the world a favor and stop acting like just because your main goal in life is to get laid that there is something wrong with women in general. perhaps if some woman felt you wanted her for more than pure sex or that you offered something more a hard penis, you might find yourself getting responses.

This lady was boss, though. She had dates, times, locations. She was like a private investigator.

This is the same guy (posting here daily for the two years I've been single)
he also posts
Mother-Daughter Hook-up
Natural Bush Man
Seeking Quality Woman For Vacation to the Hill Country
I'm Bi and want to Share You with Other Men
Lets Share A Home and Live near Arboretum/Domain
and the Latest!!!!
May I have a Drumroll please...
I'll trim that Bush For Free!!!
And he's the Outdoor Sex Guy, always mentioning that pulloff on 360 where he wants outdoor sex with a view of the downtown.

Just how weird is this guy anyway?
As long as he is around, he makes the other guys look almost promising.
Well, almost.

He also posts his age as anywhere between 44-50
He insists on a photo but won't send his
Loves to call you a whore if you admit to going out with anyone you met on cl
Peppers his posts with the faggiest of language, trying to sound smarter than he is
Always uses Truly, tightly bonding, recent and true photo,
Always insists he is handsome, and VERY CLEAN (as in anal)
Mentions hygiene since he finally learned how to spell it
Says he is smooth skinned what a wus
And my guess is he can't get it up with normal women.
So he is the resident weirdo here on cl.
Date him girls, then tell us how he is!

You know me, I'm Suzy Q, Investigative Reporter, so I *had* to find out what this ad said, but everyone kept flagging him before I could read it. I was bored with nothing better to do, but eventually, I finally got to read it before the flaggers got him again and all I can say is he took an idea that I have seen in numerous porn movies and just ran with it.

Natural Bush Man (Austin)

This is FREE at no charge whatsoever to you! READ ON......

Ladies, I have professional cutting salon sheers and sissors.
I have lots of experience shaping a lady's 'private area hair' for her.
Growing a beautiful shaped bush is in hot demand now for many women and the men love it! There are many shapes, lengths, and styles that many women are now demanding for their hair growth in the private area and it's making a strong come-back.

Allow me to give you an opinion and tell you what looks best for you!
It's very sexy and thrilling to be a woman with a very attractive and appealing bush!This is becoming so popular in many of the major trendy cities, I can easily foresee that there will be shops opening all around called, "Hair, Nails, and Bush" salons! ha-ha

There will be a charge in the near future for all of this type of 'specialized treatment' so take advantage of me doing it FREE for you now!

Grow it, show it, and flaunt it!
Total waxing is fast become past history! That empty bald spot look is boring.
Women of the new age now know what real men want and desire!
If you have good protein genetics, you will most likely be capable and growing a very attractive and sex appealing bush!

I can shape it for you, cut it to the most desirable and appealing length, etc.
Again, total waxing in the private area is now considered obsolete.

Many of the top European models shave their 'lips' area but then have a nice triangle above. Younger to middle-aged American women are now turning forward to this personal hair design also. Having that very empty missing triangle look in your private area is past history for the 1990's.
Having that 'empty bald' spot in your triangle area is so plain, ordinary, and boring looking without any personality or character.

A nice bush gives that area lots of pizzazz and personality!

Having that very thin, tiny 'landing strip' above the clitoris or that 'hitler mustache' look are also past history. That never looked good anyway.

You can still cut along the thigh area and lip area and look good in panties.
Even if you have very little hair growth established at this moment, we can still start early of giving you a shape and then later determine the most desirable length that you prefer than that we think any mate you might be with intimately will enjoy!

I can offer you real and experienced opinions for bush hair designs.
We can do this in the total privacy of your home or mine!

Thank you!

Now I, personally, think that he's doing the world a public service because I'm sure there's a whole bunch of furry wildebeests running around (especially in tree-hugging, mother earth Austin) but people get so *sensitive* about genitalia maintenance. I say let the old, pervy bastard get his kicks in. No woman in her right mind would let a complete stranger at her cooter with scissors, so it's not like he's going to get an replies from anyone but spammers and trannies, but whatevs. I guess it's the principle of it.

*Shrugs her shoulders*

State of the Union: Amused
Listening to: Call and Answer by Barenaked Ladies

How do you know you're hard up for the love of a good woman? When you write crap like this:

man seeking woman...NO FAGS - m4w (VAGINA!!!)

FU QUEER PROSTITUTES!!
i mean...can't a genuine perv like yourselves just post an ad for chicks without you ruining it for the rest of us? you have you'r own section for fuck's sake. you don't see me in you'r section asking for a vagina glory hole, do you? no...because you don't have one. fuckin' ass vipers. you give e-pron a bad name.
   
 * Location: VAGINA!!!

I left all the punctuation as-is, even though it galls me to do so.

And then there's this dude that pissed me the f---- off.

hard core right wing christan seeks opposite to test my faith - 28 (austin)

I've been praying a lot lately for Jesus to help me test my faith and prove my love for him and the republican party. Today, at church, the answer finally came.

Jesus told me, he said, (and i'm paraphrasing here) 'you know how i washed the feet of all those whores that one time in the bible?'

And i said 'yes, lord, i remember that.'

And he said, 'you should do that, like i did.'

So here I am. I imagine, since you're browsing the men seeking sex area of craigslist, that you are a godless liberal sodomite who loves Al Franken and hates america. I don't know if i'm here to save you, or if i'm here to convince you to vote republican... i just know that Jesus sent me here to date you as a test of my personal faith and commitment to him. He was very clear.

Since we are clearly in the End Times, as signaled by the rise of the anti-christ (you may know him as the Secret Muslim), I feel like this will be my final test before I am raptured to heaven. That being said, i'm not looking for anything long term. (i'm sure you understand)

Please, godless liberals only.

God Bless.

So I wrote him back and told him that he had a sick sense of humor, but he got an E for effort. He writes me back and, from the response I got, I rapidly came to the realization that he was not kidding. This wasn't some 'tongue in cheek' bit that he was putting on. Then, he started quoting scriptures at me and had the nerve to say he was in PromiseKeepers. Oh, Buddy, you did it now. He obviously didn't know that my third dad was a minister. So, me being me, I wrote him back again. If you don't like profanity or crude sexual imagery, I STRONGLY suggest that you stop and don't read on.
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I'll be your dirty liberal whore. I will put your righteous cock in my mouth and suck it down the way the whale did Jonah. I will be your Gomer. I will whore for you whenever, wherever you want. I will spread my legs for you like the Whore of Babylon that I am and you can bathe my sinner pussy with your holy tongue. I want you to part me like the Red Sea. I want you to fuck me so hard that I start speaking in tongues. You can use that scepter of a cock in me and fill me with the Holy Ghost. You can FUCK THE LIVING SIN OUT OF ME and cum on my tits. And then, you can go straight to Hell and burn there because NO “Man of God” would ever blaspheme the way you are right now.

For some reason, he hasn't written me back yet.....

State of the Union: Smug
Listening to: Shut Up and Let Me Go by the Ting Tings

You all have probably realized by now that my friends, coworkers, and myself get our jollies from the buffoonery that happens on Craig's List. I would refer you back to the case of the son whose mother responded back to his ad for a MILF, but EFX ate my soul, not to mention my old posts, but that's another sad tale for another day. The ads themselves are sure to be flagged and removed, but here is the content:

Needing $$$ or want a breast job? Sugar daddy seeking Sugar Baby - 35 (Austin Downtown)
Reply to: pers-759217643@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-17, 5:32PM CDT

Have you thought about having a beneficial relationship without a lot of drama? Have some financial and personnel needs that you want help with? Want that new dress and place to go out. Lets talk.

I am a divorced professional that travels alot and seeking some who wants to hang out and go to dinner or hang out by my pool or just go shopping. I sad to say have more money than time at times for dating. Prefer to help you and then you help me with a few tasks. I have done this before... recently moved to Austin... I have paid for a few pairs of breast jobs or put through school a few nice girls.

I am good looking guy and have no problem dating just not for very long since I am gone alot and don't like much drama.

I am looking for a young woman between 21 (old enough to have glass of wine) to 40. Prefer someone without children since I want someone flexible. I want to see a picture and I can provide you one too. Please be height and weight proportioned.

I hope he's looking for someone with spelling and grammar check on their computer. A couple of entries up is a rebuttal that I’m sure the man will probably not see unless he’s cruising to see what all the other men put in their ads or he’s the flagger that keeps deleting ads to get rid of the competition. Here’s what she wrote and yes, nerd that I am, I gave in to my nerdy impulses and corrected her grammar:

Re:Needing $$$ or want a breast job? Sugar daddy seeking Sugar Baby - 22 (Westlake)
Reply to: pers-759319126@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-17, 6:58PM CDT

This dude is full of shit. He has like fifteen different ads on here. He wanted to pay my friend $100 for one full night. How in the hell is that going to pay for a couple of boob jobs and shit? Don’t believe this fool.

I’m sure that there are many life lessons that one can glean from this.

*Don’t be a cheapskate because inflatable boobs ain’t cheap.
*Even Julia Roberts made more per night in Pretty Woman and I thought she was undercharging.
*The tranny prostitutes on S. Congress Avenue charge more than $100 per night and they don’t even have all the girly parts. Girly parts are definitely extra.

I won't even get into why the girl is whoring herself out on Craig's List or why she didn't collect the money upfront. That's going to start a whole other gale of laughter. This is what I do when school is out. Is it really obvious that, deep down inside, I'm a big ol' nerd and I miss school?

State of the Union: BORED!!!!!!!!
Listening to: Viva la Vida by Coldplay